01. What is the "Wild Horse Effect"?#
In the grasslands of Africa, there is a type of vampire bat that is small in size but is the "deadly nemesis" of wild horses. These bats take advantage of the wild horses' inattention, landing on them to pierce their skin with sharp teeth and feed on their blood. Many wild horses become agitated, furious, and run uncontrollably due to the bats feeding on their blood, ultimately exhausting themselves and collapsing to the ground. Research has shown that the amount of blood the bats consume is negligible for the wild horses and does not pose a life-threatening risk. The real cause of the wild horses' death is their own uncontrolled emotions, the inner demons they cannot escape, leading to tragedy. This phenomenon, where people often become enraged over trivial matters and suffer serious emotional consequences, is referred to as the "Wild Horse Effect."
02. What is the root cause of the "Wild Horse Effect"?#
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Excessive accumulation of emotions
The most typical example is those who tend to suppress their emotions in daily life. When emotions accumulate to a certain extent, they will explode, harming not only others but also themselves. Therefore, if negative emotions are not properly resolved, they will be vented in a more ugly manner, irrationally directed at others, and leave oneself trapped in an emotional vortex. -
Being controlled by the "instinctive brain and emotional brain"
In life, many of our decisions are determined by the "instinctive brain" and "emotional brain." They are very powerful but lack rationality in action, only responding based on desires and instincts. For example, if something does not go as you wish, without thinking, the instinctive brain and emotional brain will naturally take over the reaction. At this point, you will instinctively feel angry, irritable, and furious. The brain tends to avoid difficulty; unthinking reactions are quicker, simpler, and save brain cells. However, instinctive reactions can give rise to many negative emotions, making it impossible for us to control situations, and instead, we become controlled by them. If we use our rational brain, we can reduce many negative emotions, better control situations, and firmly hold them in our hands without being controlled by them.
03. How to overcome the "Wild Horse Effect" and achieve emotional stability?#
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10-second breathing method: Give emotions a buffer period
When I face negative emotions with my child, I first take a deep breath for 10 seconds, allowing the emotion to swirl in my mind for a while, then I ask myself, "What's wrong with me right now?" This separates the emotion from the situation before reacting, and this method has proven effective time and again. Of course, afterwards, I can still do some emotional guidance work. If there is too much emotional pressure inside and it is not released, even the best methods will not work for you. Afterwards, it can be helpful to vent to someone or write an emotional diary, which are good methods. Remember, never suppress your emotions. The premise of stabilizing our emotions is to soothe them; when emotions are smooth, things will also go smoothly. -
Write an emotional diary: Throw emotions into the trash can
I have recommended this method countless times to everyone. For people like me who often suppress emotions or are easily ignited, I highly recommend using this method to release emotions. Below is a template for writing an emotional diary; friends in need can directly copy it~
- Skillfully use the "ABC theory": Change behavioral cognition in one second
The ABC theory was proposed by psychologist Albert Ellis, where A represents the event that is happening, B represents our views, understanding, and beliefs about the event, and C represents the emotions and behavioral outcomes we experience. Therefore, the consequences and emotions (C) that arise from events are determined by our understanding and perception of those events (B). The occurrence of events is not the most important; our understanding and belief about the events are what truly matter. For example, when we are driving on the highway and another vehicle cuts in, we can have two thoughts: the first is, "He is deliberately cutting me off, it's infuriating!" The second is, "He might have something more important to rush to, I wish him well!"
If we choose the first thought, the result will be feeling gloomy all day, very unhappy. But if we choose the second thought, the result is feeling benevolent, hoping everything goes well for others, and our mood will not be affected by them, remaining pleasant. So, you see, our interpretation of events is indeed more important than the events themselves. Changing your cognitive thinking can change your emotional response.
04. In conclusion#
Some say, "10% of life is made up of what happens to you, while the other 90% is determined by your reaction to what happens." Indeed, we cannot control what happens, but we can control our perspective and reaction to it. I am not saying that everyone must maintain emotional stability in every situation, but rather that we should know when to be targeted in our responses. For situations that do not warrant anger, we can use emotional regulation tools to soothe our emotions. For emotions that are truly unbearable, it is advisable to seek help and release those emotions. Only in this way can we skillfully control our behavior without being swayed by emotions in our decisions and will.