In life, we often encounter people who hurt us:
- In the workplace, after working hard to prepare a project and staying up late to complete a plan, the results are stolen by colleagues who take credit in front of the boss, leaving your efforts in vain, filled with grievances and resentment.
- In life, you plan to watch a concert with a friend, buy tickets in advance, but they cancel at the last minute without any apology, leaving you feeling betrayed and disappointed.
- In the family, you save money to buy something you love to share joy with your family, but instead, you are criticized for spending recklessly, your choices are denied, and your good mood vanishes, leaving only feelings of grievance and sadness.
In the face of these injuries, we may feel anger, grievance, and even a desire for revenge. But can revenge really solve the problem? In the end, both sides suffer. The best approach is to face the harm; instead of relentlessly pursuing it, it's better to cut losses in time. In psychology, this is called the Snake-Chasing Law.
01 What is the Snake-Chasing Law#
The Snake-Chasing Law originates from a vivid metaphor: if a person is bitten by a venomous snake, instead of treating the wound first, they angrily grab a stick to chase and beat the snake in a desire for revenge, potentially leading to death due to delayed treatment. In interpersonal relationships, the Snake-Chasing Law manifests as a psychological state where we find it difficult to let go after being harmed by others, constantly pursuing the source of the harm.
For example, if a friend exposes your privacy in front of others, making you feel extremely embarrassed. After that, your mind is filled with images of your friend's betrayal, constantly complaining and blaming in your heart, even wanting to find an opportunity for revenge. However, this excessive focus on the harm itself, while neglecting self-growth and relationship repair, will only worsen an already poor relationship.
02 The Dangers of the Snake-Chasing Law#
2.1 Severe Self-Consumption#
Continuously immersing oneself in the emotions of being harmed and repeatedly recalling unpleasant experiences can intensify negative emotions such as anger, grievance, and resentment. These negative emotions will continuously consume our psychological energy, plunging us into a deep abyss of self-consumption.
For example, if a colleague steals your credit at work, you may dwell on it, complaining in your heart every day, unable to concentrate on work, which not only affects work efficiency but also leaves you physically and mentally exhausted.
2.2 Complete Relationship Breakdown#
Once trapped in the Snake-Chasing Law, we often expend a lot of energy pursuing those who have harmed us, constantly blaming and arguing, trying to make the other party realize their mistakes. However, this approach not only fails to resolve the problem but also exacerbates the conflict.
For example, in a couple's quarrel, one party keeps holding onto the other's mistakes, frequently bringing up past grievances, ultimately leading to a breakdown of the relationship, with past sweetness turning to nothing.
2.3 Missing Opportunities for Relationship Repair#
When we focus all our attention on revenge and hatred, we overlook the possibility of repairing the relationship. Every interpersonal relationship has its precious aspects; even when harmed, there is often room for reconciliation. However, the Snake-Chasing Law blinds us, causing us to miss opportunities to reconcile and rebuild relationships with others.
For example, after a conflict with family, if you refuse to communicate and stubbornly hold onto your position, it can lead to estrangement, and years later, all that remains is endless regret.
03 Insights from the Snake-Chasing Effect#
3.1 Cut Losses in Time When Overly Consumed#
When harmed in interpersonal relationships, it is crucial to immediately recognize the importance of cutting losses and shift focus from the source of harm to repairing the relationship. If harmed by a friend, instead of rushing to blame, calm down and think about how to resolve the conflict. Find an appropriate time to communicate calmly, express your feelings, and listen to the other party's thoughts, trying to find a solution acceptable to both.
3.2 Communicate Actively After Eliminating Negative Emotions#
Learn to regulate your emotions and avoid being swayed by negative feelings. When you notice yourself falling into anger or resentment, try to calm down through deep breathing or walking. Only in a stable and rational emotional state can you communicate better with others.
For example, when facing someone else's misunderstanding, first calm yourself down, then explain to them in a peaceful tone, which is more conducive to eliminating misunderstandings and repairing the relationship.
3.3 Learn to Handle Harm and Conflict#
Treat every instance of harm in interpersonal relationships as an opportunity for growth. Reflect on your behavior and decisions in that relationship, summarize lessons learned, and continuously improve your wisdom in interacting with others.
For example, after a conflict with a colleague, reflect on whether your communication style had issues, whether you were too harsh or lacked understanding. By continuously learning and improving, we can better handle conflicts in future relationships and avoid being harmed again.
04 Conclusion#
In interpersonal relationships, harm is inevitable, but the Snake-Chasing Law reminds us: do not let revenge and hatred become our shackles. By correctly understanding the Snake-Chasing Law, deeply comprehending its dangers in interpersonal relationships, and gaining beneficial insights from it, we can maintain a clear mind when facing harm and make the right choices. Your life value does not depend on how others treat you, but on how you treat yourself.