There is a group of people who live the hardest lives: those who have been educated since childhood to be decent, polite, understand boundaries, and be cultured, but whose family resources are hollowed out, and who have no power or influence. They are not the poorest, but they live the most exhausting lives. The stratification of society is far more complex than you might imagine. It is not simply divided by income, but by "resource structure."
"Having good upbringing" means that this person has been shaped by rules and order since childhood, indicating a higher degree of social conditioning. They clearly know what should not be said and what should not be done; while considering others, they also impose limits on themselves. On the other hand, "having no family background" means they have no advantages at the starting line of resources; their parents cannot support them, and their family network contributes almost nothing positive to their lives. This combination ensures that a person will survive in the cracks of the middle layer of society, suffering greatly and facing dilemmas.
The core issue for this group lies in the misalignment between the "awareness of rules" instilled in them since childhood and the real operational logic of society. The more you adhere to rules, respect boundaries, and consider others, the more likely you are to be marginalized at critical moments. In situations with limited resources, others dare to seize opportunities that you do not, others dare to use connections that you disdain to use, and others dare to take risks while you tread carefully, leading you to fall behind step by step. Moreover, you cannot understand why, despite doing everything right, you do not achieve good results.
This group often falls into a psychological dilemma of constant self-doubt. They question whether they are not working hard enough or whether they are not smart enough. Yet they fail to realize that they have simply been guided to the wrong playing field, struggling against a system that was not designed for them. The real logic of social operation does not reward those who are sensible and hardworking, but rather those who have the ability to occupy positions and integrate resources.
Many people, after finishing their student years and entering society and the workplace, discover a harsh reality: the "rule-following system" that was highly rewarded in school is almost worthless in society. No matter how polite you are, it cannot compare to someone who can secure clients; no matter how dedicated you are, it cannot compare to someone who has connections and can secure project resources. You may work diligently, while others easily manipulate situations, and in the end, it is they who get promoted while you suffer losses.
Children from the upper-middle class have an invisible safety net—resources, circles, channels; while some lower-class children, having nothing, dare to take risks. But those who are "well-mannered but lack family background" suffer the most because they have neither resources to support them nor the courage to take risks. They think too much, worry too much, and are fundamentally bound by rules and reasoning, which are self-imposed limitations. They seem stable, but in reality, they find it difficult to move forward.
What is even more frightening is that most of these people's parents lack a clear understanding of reality. They mistakenly believe that upbringing and hard work can lead to upward mobility, continuing to instill the illusion of middle-class status from the previous generation into their children, while neglecting a fundamental issue: today's society has long entered a "resource zoning" model, where the focus is not on who works the hardest, but on who possesses scarce resources. Hard work can add a finishing touch, but rarely provides essential support. The older you get, the more you will realize that some unreasonable, aggressive individuals actually fare better. You may think they are taking shortcuts, but in reality, they have simply seen through the underlying reality.
The reason you are still struggling is that you have been overly disciplined without being empowered. They can tear their faces to fight for what they want, while you fear that no one will back you up if you do. You may still retain some dignity, but that dignity is not a shield; it is a shackle. The most realistic aspect of this society is that it does not automatically reward you for your hard work, kindness, or rule-following. Resources and power are held by a few, and the distribution logic prioritizes "interests" over "character."
Many people discover in their thirties or forties that the paths they have taken over the years are not the so-called upward channels, but rather the "qualified cog paths" designed by the elite class. You maintain stability, obey the system, and follow the rules, yet you can never achieve true growth potential because you lack the resources to enter a real leverage field. All your upward movement is merely the "controllable growth" permitted by the system, not a leap in class.
The group of "well-mannered but lacking family background" is precisely the "chosen ones" selected to maintain the stability of the larger system. They are obedient enough, diligent enough, do not create trouble, and lack the ability to resist. They are the lubricants in the operation of the system, neither rewarded nor eliminated, existing as a "stable inventory." This has been the case for generations. If you do not awaken, the system will continue to use you, draining all your energy; once you awaken, you will begin to break free from this order. Only after breaking free does the true beginning of choosing your own destiny start.
Therefore, instead of continuing to obsess over "am I not good enough," it is better to rethink "am I heading in the wrong direction." What you need to do is never to be defined as a "good person" by society, but to have control over your own life. And this control can only come from your clear judgment of reality, your ability to reconstruct rules, and your ability to manage system resources. Having good upbringing is not a burden, but it must be based on your strength, capital, and networks. Otherwise, no matter how perfect your demeanor, it is a passive stance; no matter how high the standards, it is a hollow sense of powerlessness.