Russell's Wisdom: Equivalent Exchange and Interpersonal Relationships#
Russell once said:
“Long-term free help to others is slowly cultivating enemies. Equivalent exchange is the long-term way of socializing.”
This statement strikes a chord and makes sense. In our lives, we often encounter people in need of help, and the reality is that we give too much without receiving the due return. The most important principle between people is "equivalent exchange," where each takes what they need and shares resources. Excessive kindness may make you feel selfless, but in the end, it is you who suffers. In the workplace, among friends, and in intimate relationships, moderate giving is the key to maintaining healthy relationships.
01 The Relationship Between People is Equivalent Exchange; No One Should Suffer Loss#
In the workplace, many people misunderstand "equivalent exchange," thinking that as long as they do more and give more, they will eventually be rewarded. But in fact, relationships between people are exchanges; both parties have needs, and only through reasonable exchange can win-win situations be achieved.
Xiao Zhang is a sales manager with outstanding performance. Whether it's working overtime or dealing with customer issues, he tries to help his colleagues share the load. However, over time, everyone gradually became accustomed to his contributions and took them for granted. Xiao Zhang's efforts did not yield corresponding returns; instead, he was ignored by his colleagues, and his work did not receive more recognition. This relationship was unbalanced, and in the end, he not only felt exhausted but also lost his rightful position due to excessive sacrifice.
Remember, “each takes what they need, no one suffers loss, and sharing resources will lead to lasting relationships.”
02 Excessive Kindness Will Ultimately Make You a Fool; No One Will Pay for Your Foolishness#
Sometimes, excessive kindness can trap you in the "free help" pitfall, and this kindness, once taken too far, turns into foolishness. I have a colleague, Xiao L, who is always willing to help others, bringing meals for colleagues and running errands for deliveries. At first, Xiao L thought others would appreciate him, but over time, he realized that people did not truly value his kindness.
Once, Xiao L lent money to another colleague, only to find that this friend refused to pay it back and even complained about being poor. This kind of "good intention" ultimately did not bring about true friendship but instead left Xiao L feeling dissatisfied. As the old saying goes:
“Your kindness was originally meant to help others, but it ended up becoming a weapon that harms yourself.”
If you always give without reservation, others will only see you as a soft target, using you as a tool rather than a friend.
03 Increasing One's Value is Fundamental to Maintaining Relationships#
Mo Yan once said:
“A person who ends up with no friends often indicates one problem: they have no value worth others' engagement.”
This is absolutely true: the maintenance of relationships ultimately depends on mutual value exchange. Some people always quietly give to others but do not accumulate enough personal charm or skills. Over time, others will see them as dispensable, and they will gradually be marginalized by society and those around them.
Kazuo Inamori said:
“No one will help a person of no value; you must manage yourself well. Even if you hit rock bottom, you must have chips to exchange with others; this is the law of the strong. There are no eternal friends, only eternal interests. If you do not work hard, you will be eliminated; if you are not strong, you will be harmed.”
If we do not have enough ability or charm, we can easily be ignored, harmed, or even abandoned. Therefore, increasing one's value is fundamental to maintaining relationships.